Emptying out the clutter

I would like to say that it is my home that is getting the overhaul, things getting packed up to be given away or thrown out, but I've decided that another space of mine needs attention first. My mind, it seems, is overcrowded. Like a cupboard that has had items shoved, again and again, haphazzardly in to it, it is now crammed to capacity. That is until someone opens it up and things spill out and pile up around me. This happens when I am too neglectful to remember to only venture in through a crack tiny enough not to let anything fall out.

The past few weeks, maybe longer (who knows when it all becomes part of your everyday) my poor head has been a victim overcrowding. Too many thoughts and emotions, many, if not all, had been left unchecked and stored away for a time when I could devote a few moments to ponder them. I either never had the time, or more likely, squandered it away on doing something else more fun.

So now I am left with the junk stuff of my head and my heart, laying in heaps around me. I know I should sort through them, as some may be worthwhile to hang on to. But I am more inclinced to sweep the lot of them up, and toss them in the garbage, not caring to look back at what had seemed so important to elevate me to fits of giggling, or reduce me to tears in the presence of staff, customers and reps alike.

That being said, I know that every piece that sits at my feet crumpled and neglected, has changed me and the way I look at the world. I don't know why this accumulation should have such a profound affect upon me, and yet it has. As I sit here and think that trying to answer the "why?" of it would prove to be too difficult to even attempt, I find myself with the answer, at least in part. These things are not mine, they are what others have given to me (in good conscience or bad), they have been shoved at me with either a lack of explanaition or with words chosen to make a point about where I rank in the general order of that person's universe. They are other people's problems and expectations, and I wordlessly accepted them.

I've had a great many things become clear this past little while. Not many were expected, in fact, some were completely out of the blue. But what can you do? Sweep out the garbage that belongs to those who don't deserve to have that much say in my emotional well being, be thankful that my own stuff is tucked tightly, if not a bit skewed, inside of me. And, I suppose, be glad, just because I can be.