When Shannon and I started to hang out we learned that each of us were suffering from a condition we so fondly christened, "a lack of filter". This is to say that whatever was swirling around inside our little noggins, would tend to pop out if the opportunity presented itself. Never was it malicious, though, hurtful it still could be. We were more the type that would actually tell people if we were sad (after they had asked how our day was), or on the other side of the spectrum, would gush all the goodness we felt about a person when they happened to come round. Long ago my filter grew back. I found that my spouting off everything I was feeling made it hard to work, hard to play and hard to feel like an average person. I found that I needed a balance between letting my heart show and keeping everything walled up inside my inner fortress (which is how I was prior to this).
So, I do understand a thing about filters. I also understand about putting a foot in one's mouth. I've done that, too. But each time it's happened, I've known what I've done. I've apologized, and those "I'm sorry"s have been heart felt and sincere.
Now, what I am coming to understand is that not everyone cares if they hurt someone's feelings. They do not care that using the disclaimer, "I don't mean to offend you, but..." or "I'm saying this as a friend..." doesn't make it OK. Yes, we've all offended people, but when that happens, we do our best to make ammends. Or at least some of us do.
Is it time to subtract more from my life? I just finished, earlier this week, my post about weeding bad things (people) out. At that time, I was feeling good about those I allow in. Now, I am unsure. What's worse is that it's not just ONE person. I've had no less than FOUR people, this week, disappoint me in how they treat me. And when told that I did not appreciate how things were going down, I was either ignored or told I was over reacting and being bitchy. I am tempted to come out of my corner, fighting... stooping to the same level as they do. But then I know I am more talk than action in that respect, I couldn't live with myself knowing I'd hurt someone I cared about.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Mathematics
Lately, I have been thinking about the math of my life. There are always new equations to contend with: the addition and, sometimes, subtraction of people and ideals. There is the algebra aspect, where I try to make each side of a new situation even. And, always, I try to keep my answers in the "real" realm, that is to say that I require a positive and not a negative outcome.
While it is true that I am a sole number, I would not go back to being the second half of the pair I once was. I realize that I am better off with my ever changing formulas. I can factor out that which I do not need to make my life work.
My additions far outweigh that which was taken away.
I could never believe my friendship with Shannon ever getting past the initial, polite stages had it not been for late night phone calls, distracting emails and random bursts of laughter over very weird and random things.
I can't imagine not only being so close to my cousin Steven, if it hadn't been for my being on my own.
Never would I have considered Brandy more than family, had it not been for being forced to put my trust in someone new. Any friendship we may have had would never have been so strong... never would we have had shared experiences and stories and early morning secrets while travelling.
I would have lost out on lessons of friendship and committment from Carol. I would have missed knowing there was someone so similar to myself, and yet so completely different. I would have never had the pleasure of introducing Gladys and Millie to the world, emailing walkie talkie sounds or bouncing rubber balls in a church parking lot in the dark of night.
Missing from life would have beem seeing Julie cry when she laughs, and feeling like I'd accomplished something great when it was I that reduced her to those tears. I would not have ever received text messages on my cell about toast, or Jesus or Tim Horton's chili. I would have missed out on boy talk, birthday surprises and much giggling.
Kept to the sidelines would have been Des, Pat, Wing and Johnny. I would never known the delight that is every other person I choose to have in my life. I would not believe myself to be a storyteller, or someone that could make people laugh. I would never have licked Chaucer's tomb or the tower of London. I would never have been kissed in Scotland (nor Greece, for that matter). There would have been no call to sew a superman cape or to admit to a crush on a friend. I would have missed having Stewart and Elizabeth. I would even have missed out on making mistakes and poor decisions.
These additions are what my life are. I would gladly give up, once again, what I had for them. I would live through the sadness and the pain to have what I have now. I am more complete, more balanced for having been part of a subtraction.
While it is true that I am a sole number, I would not go back to being the second half of the pair I once was. I realize that I am better off with my ever changing formulas. I can factor out that which I do not need to make my life work.
My additions far outweigh that which was taken away.
I could never believe my friendship with Shannon ever getting past the initial, polite stages had it not been for late night phone calls, distracting emails and random bursts of laughter over very weird and random things.
I can't imagine not only being so close to my cousin Steven, if it hadn't been for my being on my own.
Never would I have considered Brandy more than family, had it not been for being forced to put my trust in someone new. Any friendship we may have had would never have been so strong... never would we have had shared experiences and stories and early morning secrets while travelling.
I would have lost out on lessons of friendship and committment from Carol. I would have missed knowing there was someone so similar to myself, and yet so completely different. I would have never had the pleasure of introducing Gladys and Millie to the world, emailing walkie talkie sounds or bouncing rubber balls in a church parking lot in the dark of night.
Missing from life would have beem seeing Julie cry when she laughs, and feeling like I'd accomplished something great when it was I that reduced her to those tears. I would not have ever received text messages on my cell about toast, or Jesus or Tim Horton's chili. I would have missed out on boy talk, birthday surprises and much giggling.
Kept to the sidelines would have been Des, Pat, Wing and Johnny. I would never known the delight that is every other person I choose to have in my life. I would not believe myself to be a storyteller, or someone that could make people laugh. I would never have licked Chaucer's tomb or the tower of London. I would never have been kissed in Scotland (nor Greece, for that matter). There would have been no call to sew a superman cape or to admit to a crush on a friend. I would have missed having Stewart and Elizabeth. I would even have missed out on making mistakes and poor decisions.
These additions are what my life are. I would gladly give up, once again, what I had for them. I would live through the sadness and the pain to have what I have now. I am more complete, more balanced for having been part of a subtraction.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Tidbits
The past few days, perhaps even nearing a week or two, there has been a substantial change in my funny bone. Something is different, and while I am not sure what this could be, it seems positive, and has lasted for more than an hour or two, so I am claiming it. It's mine. It's brought me to a place I was before. Nearly six months (or possibly much more than that, I fear) has passed since I've felt myself.
Now, for anyone who know me (or at least knows the good part of me), this will be demonstrated by the fact that I have reverted back to a state where I find much more of life fairly random and am given to fits of giggling because it really is ever so ridiculous.
Though I am sure not everyone will get these, and those that do, will probably not understand why I am printing them (perhaps being funny only to myself). The following statements and ideas (or something close to them, since I am not even pretending to use direct quotes) have caused me much joy:
When talking about sending Kenny a singing telegram for his birthday, "man in a chicken suit OK?" is the greatest question one can ask. Being told that said chicken would receive a thrashing for his troubles is an adequate, if not laughable, response.
Telling Shannon that Sundays should not include dinner parties will then degenerate to mumbling (via msn, no less) about how Sundays are for movies and just what the proper placement of butter in a bag of popcorn should be... which then leads to a rant about how other nations should have free refills so that one can send Julie for a refill before the movie starts, but to make sure she doesn't take any money with her, just to see if she can get free butter.
Having spent an entire day (noon to 8 PM) with Carol... with nearly six hours of that day being spent at The Tea Place (much to the dismay of the owners and employees, I am sure). While sitting at the table we have now claimed as our own, we experienced all the flavours of life: philosophical and theological discussions, pie, laughter, tears, discussions and confessions of bodily functions and even a practical demonstration of how dwelling on the topic of broken bones can make a person physically sick.
Waterpark hair.
"Bobbie, I think we are missing a lot of pieces to this puzzle!" (in reference to the 100 piece puzzle... children's puzzle... that we assembled at The Tea Place) We were not missing pieces, by the way, we are just too hasty when we can't make the pieces fit right away.
Big Hair Carol.
Hearing there is a "more efficient way" to fill the princess pez dispensers than how we had been doing it all our lives before.
Windsor salt, old beer commercials and being Canadian.
Ninja skills being discussed as a standard for accepting a man as a potential mate.
Being told by Wayne that it's just like before going to war.
Going to ask Julie a question about a bridesmaid dress and instead being reduced to laughter through tears (when I needed it most).
"If I don't laugh, I'll cry."
Cheese discussions at I.G.A. with Tanya, my only contribution being, "I like provalone." Having Tanya say it, at the same time, being an added bonus.
J.C. text messages from both Brandy and Julie (making my catholic heart guffaw and cringe, all at the same time!).
Travel talk with strangers.
"If you aren't going to show, just say so..." (being called on a most unpleasant character trait and having a good time because of it).
"I will order... one bowl of steamed white rice... oh, I didn't really want that, I was just being an ass."
"Happy Birthday. That is all."
As a side note, I find every person who made an appearance here, whether named or unnamed, remarkable.
Now, for anyone who know me (or at least knows the good part of me), this will be demonstrated by the fact that I have reverted back to a state where I find much more of life fairly random and am given to fits of giggling because it really is ever so ridiculous.
Though I am sure not everyone will get these, and those that do, will probably not understand why I am printing them (perhaps being funny only to myself). The following statements and ideas (or something close to them, since I am not even pretending to use direct quotes) have caused me much joy:
When talking about sending Kenny a singing telegram for his birthday, "man in a chicken suit OK?" is the greatest question one can ask. Being told that said chicken would receive a thrashing for his troubles is an adequate, if not laughable, response.
Telling Shannon that Sundays should not include dinner parties will then degenerate to mumbling (via msn, no less) about how Sundays are for movies and just what the proper placement of butter in a bag of popcorn should be... which then leads to a rant about how other nations should have free refills so that one can send Julie for a refill before the movie starts, but to make sure she doesn't take any money with her, just to see if she can get free butter.
Having spent an entire day (noon to 8 PM) with Carol... with nearly six hours of that day being spent at The Tea Place (much to the dismay of the owners and employees, I am sure). While sitting at the table we have now claimed as our own, we experienced all the flavours of life: philosophical and theological discussions, pie, laughter, tears, discussions and confessions of bodily functions and even a practical demonstration of how dwelling on the topic of broken bones can make a person physically sick.
Waterpark hair.
"Bobbie, I think we are missing a lot of pieces to this puzzle!" (in reference to the 100 piece puzzle... children's puzzle... that we assembled at The Tea Place) We were not missing pieces, by the way, we are just too hasty when we can't make the pieces fit right away.
Big Hair Carol.
Hearing there is a "more efficient way" to fill the princess pez dispensers than how we had been doing it all our lives before.
Windsor salt, old beer commercials and being Canadian.
Ninja skills being discussed as a standard for accepting a man as a potential mate.
Being told by Wayne that it's just like before going to war.
Going to ask Julie a question about a bridesmaid dress and instead being reduced to laughter through tears (when I needed it most).
"If I don't laugh, I'll cry."
Cheese discussions at I.G.A. with Tanya, my only contribution being, "I like provalone." Having Tanya say it, at the same time, being an added bonus.
J.C. text messages from both Brandy and Julie (making my catholic heart guffaw and cringe, all at the same time!).
Travel talk with strangers.
"If you aren't going to show, just say so..." (being called on a most unpleasant character trait and having a good time because of it).
"I will order... one bowl of steamed white rice... oh, I didn't really want that, I was just being an ass."
"Happy Birthday. That is all."
As a side note, I find every person who made an appearance here, whether named or unnamed, remarkable.
Monday, January 29, 2007
For Sale
For Sale:
One Castle.
Fortified stone walls reaching 40 feet, vertically, and surrounding the property, ensure privacy AND protection from pesky outsiders.
High slit windows, originally intended for defending against attackers, pilagers and other unwanted visitors, also add the illusion of eternal dusk. This preferred new style of lighting enhances all decor, no matter how dismal.
Security equals safety with a traditional European moat, fully loaded with snapping turtles, alligators and pirahnas. This waterway circles the entire grounds and boasts a newly stained drawbridge for access in and out of the property.
Drawbridge is in working order, though will require maitenance, as its spring mechanism tends to snap back, pulling the bridge up at any given time (whether actually in use or not). (Drawbridge workmen may be able to deodorize the moat water, as it has become stagnant and smells as soon as the light of day hits it).
Sentries are not required, though this castle does employ a full staff, presently. The guards can be kept on retainer, if desired.
Surrounding area is heavily forested and makes for a delightful backdrop, should one climb high enough to stare out the slit windows. It should be noted that would be visitors CAN hide in the woods, so extra caution should be taken in keeping any and all people out.
Cost of Castle and those amenities included: Am willing to negotiate.
One Castle.
Fortified stone walls reaching 40 feet, vertically, and surrounding the property, ensure privacy AND protection from pesky outsiders.
High slit windows, originally intended for defending against attackers, pilagers and other unwanted visitors, also add the illusion of eternal dusk. This preferred new style of lighting enhances all decor, no matter how dismal.
Security equals safety with a traditional European moat, fully loaded with snapping turtles, alligators and pirahnas. This waterway circles the entire grounds and boasts a newly stained drawbridge for access in and out of the property.
Drawbridge is in working order, though will require maitenance, as its spring mechanism tends to snap back, pulling the bridge up at any given time (whether actually in use or not). (Drawbridge workmen may be able to deodorize the moat water, as it has become stagnant and smells as soon as the light of day hits it).
Sentries are not required, though this castle does employ a full staff, presently. The guards can be kept on retainer, if desired.
Surrounding area is heavily forested and makes for a delightful backdrop, should one climb high enough to stare out the slit windows. It should be noted that would be visitors CAN hide in the woods, so extra caution should be taken in keeping any and all people out.
Cost of Castle and those amenities included: Am willing to negotiate.
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