Thursday, December 28, 2006

My Mom thinks I'm cool...

I was talking to my mom on the phone today, about a friend. We were talking about relationships and I mentioned that this friend has his fancy set on someone. My mom asked, "Is it Bobbie, he maybe likes?". No, I answered, it's not me. Then I realized this is not the first time my mother has assumed that very thing. Whenever I bring up a friend or aquaintence, she seems to think that this person is enamoured with myself. I will never understand why she thinks this, but my life has now boiled down to, "But my mom thinks I'm cool enough.".

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Sucking the marrow out of life

Christmas time means many things to many people. In my family it means huge upheaval and usually a big blowout between the parents. This time of good tidings and joy seems to be a catalyst for tears, yelling and the threat of divorce. And who is standing between them? Me. I am pulled into the drama, with phone calls at work, phone calls at home and the imminent display of emotions when I stop by to visit.

So, it has dawned on me, yet again, that my family sucks the life right out of me. With the exception of faking my own death and living a life of quiet solitude abroad, in Scotland, I have no idea what I can do. And I now realize the severity of the problem when the only plan that is appealing to me is to fake a shark attack and leave only my underwear (with my name clearly written with a black sharpie inside so as to easily identify the "remains") behind. I do wonder if any of them would believe a shark attack? Probably not, since landlocked Alberta probably comes in somewhere near the bottom of the list for fatalities at sea. What about a farming incident? No, they would expect to find body parts along with the underpants. Besides, everyone knows I lack the proper plow skills to work on a farm (although NOT having plow skills could CONTRIBUTE to my demise, now couldn't it?).

I must face facts. I am stuck between a rock and bunch of nutters, and no amount of strewn underwear is going to get me out.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Drivel

Thoughts written as I was sitting in a Second Cup. I had been invited out for coffee by a friend, and was left to my own devices to find amusement when the girl he liked called him. Here is the fruit of my boredom...

I dream of seeing you when you are old. Your skin will be soft and wrinkled; your silver hair will be thinned to near baldness. I will be happy to know you had never even attempted to hide it with a bad comb-over. You reason that, in your life, you had laughed at too many uncles and your father’s friends to try it with a clear conscience. Your eyes will be magnified by the thick lenses you will have to wear; but I will tease you that it only means that I get to see even more of your beautiful eyes. You will hold my gaze and tell me they are only reflecting the beauty you see in me. I will give you a little laugh and lightly slap you across your shoulder, letting you know I can see through your flattery, but inside I will feel the same thrill as I did when I was a girl and looked as pretty as I felt.


I look forward to hear what you will tell our children as they move out of our nest and begin their lives apart from us. Your advice will fill their ears with wisdom from our life together; my head will fill with the memories that cast that counsel. The peace and calmness of our home will be restored once more, reminiscent of a time before teenagers, children or babies, when it was but the two of us. Now, as then, I can hear you call to me, “I love you…” from some other room in the house. I will follow the sound of your voice and when I find you, you will embrace me from behind. You will whisper to me that I am your happiness, your reason for being. My heart will be so light with the joy I feel to be near you. I will respond to your words with a kiss loaded with my own blissful thoughts of you.

I am eager to sit with you outside, watching the sun rise after talking all night. We will have been fighting about some trivial thing which felt so much bigger a few hours before. After our anger has been spent, we will begin the act of reconciling by holding each other’s hands, and eventually cuddling in the chilled dawn air. You will wrap me up in the sweater you had been wearing, and your scent embraces me just as your arms do. Your own smell is a gentle presence reminding me of everything you mean to me. You catch me breathing in the fragrance that is you and I will hear you laugh. You tell me that on those rare occasions when we find ourselves sleeping apart, in different beds in distant cities, you have breathed in my own scent from my pillow as you lay waiting to doze off. You will say that some little piece of me is needed to close your eyes and let go. Much like our youngest daughter, I think, whose purple teddy is required before laying down to sleep.

I desire to stand beside you, my hand holding yours, as we recite our vows of love and of a promised lifetime together. A few years later, I will be anxious to inform you that you will be a father. This is something I will say to you three times, each time with cheeks flushed, anticipating your reaction... you never disappoint me. In our years together we will relate to each other the daily trials and delights that make up life. Through my tears I will recount the story of our eldest child’s first steps, and her subsequent spill into the corner of the coffee table, as we sit in the emergency waiting room. In this same room, at some future time you will tell me how our son’s broken arm isn’t the end of the world; it is just the end of his baseball season. During these growing years we will make known to each other our hopes for our family, for each other, and we will also share our fears. Every day, I will tell you the most important thing I have in my heart… “I love you”. Again and again, you never disappoint me with your reaction.

I long to feel your lips on mine; every day your touch reminding me of our first kiss after you will have walked me to my door. One of your hands will guide me by the small of my back; the other entwines its fingers through mine. Since then, our hands have spent much of their time together like this, a better fit could not be found for either of us. From the beginning of our relationship to the end of our time together, your touch will be a constant source of both comfort and strength to me. You have never shied away from telling me that through each one of the thousands of kisses we’ve shared I have always made you feel like I did on our first date; that even now you get weak in the knees each time our lips meet.

I wait with bated breath for all these things; for my senses to be filled with you.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Two Days

I've had two days off (well, with the exception of all the blasted phone calls from work) and trekked into Vancouver for both. I thought I should enjoy them, since it will be a good long time until I get another. I'm down two managers, two assistant managers and countless staff. In fact, I've lost even more staff this week... Wait, I am getting off topic, I was going to write about my days downtown.

I ventured into Vancouver yesterday, intent on seeing the Chinese garden that is nestled in the heart of downtown. It wasn't as great as I was hoping, but I did spend a leisurely hour in one of its rooms, reading and writing and listening to the noises within and beyond the walls of the scholars garden.

I decided to walk around Chinatown after that. I ate a rather large plate (well, half of it) of chow mein in a divey little restaurant and made my way back home.

Today, I went to the Vancouver Aquarium. I did manage to get a little lost downtown but still managed to magically find the right bus to take me to Stanley Park. I haven't been to Stanley Park since I was a very little girl, so little I don't remember being there... I have only old photographs to testify to it. There is something about being out among the trees, walking in the fresh air, that revives the soul. I found my way to the aquarium and spent a few hours befriending fish and turtles and otters. I even crossed paths with a random peacock when I making my way out of the park. I let myself be carried away by the wonder of seeing animals wandering about. I let myself smile at strangers, not because I have to, but because there was some joy in my being. I let myself be.

Dusk was starting to blanket the park and I decided to follow one of the paths (they had christmas lights throughout the park). Stanley Park in full daylight can be ominous, take most of the light out of it and it is enough to send chills up and down your spine. I walked as far in as I dared, remembering the tales of serial killers and abductions my parents told us about at an early age. I sat for a small while and listened to the wind in the trees. I felt the damp tree stump beneath my bottom and smelled pine and mint and a few other outdoorsy delights.

I found a small piece of myself these past two days.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Burnaby Bound...

So I am laying in my hotel bed, safe in the heart of Burnaby BC. I came as I had heard there was a spotting of the elusive Brown Bear! Too excited to stay put in my own prairie home, I jetted off early this morning to the clean mountain air in hopes of FINALLY meeting this furry little fiend.

Just kidding... BB, I am sure, will remain a mystery to me for a while yet.

I am here for work. To be honest, I can't really tell you exactly WHAT part of work has me here, but here I am and here I will stay for the next five days. I am to be helping the manager here learn, well, how to manage. Specifically, how to manage staff. So now I have to tell her just what is working and what is not. The thing is, I know that what I tell her should help... but if the situation was reversed and someone came in telling me I wasn't doing the job how they would, I would have a snit fit in record time. Then again, this IS supposed to be my strong point, dealing with staff. All I have to say about that is, BOO!

So, with any luck, I will have a few days off to hang out here (woohoo?). Any suggestions as to how to spend my days off would be appreciated.

Wow, this post really is craptacular in its content. Sorry about that. Maybe if Brown Bear were here, it would be different...